I picked a bad time to decide to be happy...
My grampa is about to die. He hasn't eaten anything in about a week. He hasnt moved a muscle in that same amount of time. He can just barely open his eyes. Every night I fall asleep, I fear I will be sharing the house with a dead man when I wake up. Sad stuff right?
Well, because I have been emotionally preparing myself for this, I've kind of hidden my emotions from myself and numbed myself to the idea of death. Yesterday, just after my mom quietly says to me, "I think Papa is going to die tonight." the phone rings. I think nothing of it until she comes back downstairs with a grim look on her face a couple minutes later. She says to me, "Your aunt Patty just jumped off of a bridge onto I-480 and killed herself."
My cousins, Max, Allie, and Dean, just lost their mother. Max, the oldest, is a junior in high school; Dean, the youngest, is in eighth grade. I feel terrible for my cousins and wish that I could take away all of their pain for myself. No one should ever have to deal with death so closely at such a young age.
Despite all of the death in my life right now (combined with discovering that the girl I liked has other interests), my outlook on life is generally optimistic. I've chosen to, for the most part, ignore the negatives which should be plaguing me. Last night, Alex and I went to Steak n' Shake and Youth in revolt. After hearing such great reviews from some friends(*cough* Heather) I was almost disappointed. Not that it was a bad movie- it was actually pretty gosh darned good- it just wasn't the escape from life I had hoped for. After the movie, we went to my house where we ate cheesecake, I taught her how to play chess, and we played guitar together. It was a good night, and a great escape from life.
My sister is coming home tonight. This is going to be a sad weekend. School starts next Tuesday. Hopefully my optimism won't wear off any time soon.