Saturday, December 4, 2010


Monday, March 8, 2010

thoughts on individuality and choices

this is for me. but i'll let you read it. maybe you'll read something and connect to it. because i've found that that's how thoughts work. you say something. i listen to the facts and ignore 95% of your interpretation of it. 5% of your thoughts really connect with me though. but i dont just store those ideas in my brain and forget about them. no. i mentally elaborate on them. sometimes i'll share what i've come up with after i've put all of my own thoughts into it. but when i share it, i can't be offended when you only ingest 5% of it. no one has any ideas that reside perfectly with everyone. everyone has to elaborate on the ideas. they have to add in their own thought. connect ideas with personal examples. make sense of the world.

today i spent a whole lot of time on the internet. i found an indie band called mars argo. i'm listening to their instrumental album right now. it's rather soothing. i watched a video about dreams. this led me to a website called it's rather interesting. basically it's about a guy that shows up in lots of peoples dreams. and no one knows why. so, i was looking at peoples comments about it, and i saw a comment that said this: "this is my philosophy: 'Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.'"... i really liked the quote, so i decided to google it in order to find the origin of it. i'm not sure i accomplished my goal, but i found an mp3 of a guy elaborating on it. evidently he is a christian preacher of sorts. i am not christian, but his message really made me think.

-fill what's empty: first i am going to introduce the monkeysphere. this is a long article that attempts to describe the the theory of the monkeysphere. basically, it says that humans can only perceive around 150 individuals as three dimensional personalities- everyone else on earth is grouped by a trait that you pick out. for example, the cableman is just the guy who comes to your house to fix your problems. he doesnt have feelings. he doesnt have a family. he doesnt matter to you. and why should he? just like nearly every other person on earth, he is just a two dimensional idea. he might as well be a robot. the monkeysphere is the reason for racism, road rage, hate, theft, gangs, and government... but it also fits in with the quote somehow. try to stay with me. the guy from the mp3 thing uses the example of friendship. when a kid goes off to college, he loses contact with most of his high school friends. people fall in and out of friendship. just as people fall in and out of love. david wong (the monkeysphere guy) would explain this by saying that there is only so much room for people in our minds. when we find a new friend, we inevitably lose an old one. glen davis (the mp3 guy) says that when you lose a friend, it is important that you find a new friend of equal or greater value. (i'm paraphrasing everyone very very badly, so i recommend that you click the links to the originals in addition to reading me). the point of all this was- fill what is empty. take the voids in your life and fill them with good. dont do drugs when you lose a friend. find a new friend who brings out the best in you.

-empty what is full: davis goes about explaining this portion of the quote by saying that we need to rid ourselves of "the passions of youth." he doesnt mean this in a strictly sexual sense. everyone has urges to do irresponsible things. we desire to do all kinds of things. experiment with drugs, break laws, stay out late, disregard our elders. you name it, we do it. it's not unnatural, and it isnt always bad. we also aspire to do great things as well. we aim to please our friends, our elders, our parents, and our teachers. it's all a way for us to understand our lives. it's a way for us to learn what is right an what is wrong by doing. we dont always trust what people tell us. somewhere inside of us, we think "well, whats so bad about doing drugs?... i cant die smoking weed in my friend's basement." so we look to find out. we want to know what all the hype concerning sex is about, so we look to find out. davis says that it is important that we resist these urges. it is important that trust our elders. if mommy says weed is bad, we should just listen to her, because, ultimately, she is right. experimenting can have major consequences (ie. getting arrested, having a baby, getting an std, offending someone), and it is avoiding these consequences that sets us up for a decent life later on. the point is- empty what is full. take your irresponsible desires and ignore them. cast them aside, so that you dont end up screwing yourself over.

-scratch where it itches: this is the same as the previous point, but the other side of it. while we DO have irresponsible desires, we also have desires with no negative consequences. i might desire to become a great artist, i might want to pursue a career in acting, i might want to familiarize myself with religions that others are uncomfortable with. we all have our own curiosities and interests and it is important that you soak up anything and everything that you find interesting. learn while you can. davis brings up an example. the most influential female executive in the world, carly fiorina, CEO of hewlett packard double majored in poetry and medieval history. the point being, you never know what might come in handy later in life. if you do what you like, it will take you where you want to go. scratch where it itches.

"Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches."

a new way to live your life? maybe not. but something to keep in mind? certainly. there is so much more i could say about every point i've made, but i'm going to leave it up to you to think about all of it. elaborate on it in your own way, and hopefully share your ideas with someone else. if you'd like to talk to me about anything i said, please do. it will help you understand your thoughts, it will give me more to think about, and it will make everyone happy.

bye :)

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

worthless words

so. i havent been posting to facebook like. ever.. and i'm not twittering so much... but my thoughts havent gone away. so as a quick lil update, i'mma use this blog that no one reads. :) genius, right? and because i bet no one is going to read it, i'm not even bothering to edit what i write. it's thoughts to words to the world. no mediator. mkay? cool. anyways. i have new friends that my normal friends dont really know about. first, there's cece from florida. she's cute. i talk to her a bunch. in fact, i (calls #3282... waits...) have sent/ recieved nearly 4000 text messages so far this month. probably about 95% of which were to/ from her.. next, theres margaret. she lives in washington (the big one. not the important one). she is also super cool. we talk about all kinds of fun things. like strawberries, harry potter spells, tv shows, and other things. sounds boring. but i swear our conversations rock. she got me to start watching a scifi series about space cowboys called firefly. it's actually really good. i'd recommend it to anyone who needs something to do. and in return, i got her to agree to read my favorite series of books. (genesis of shannara by terry brooks... the first book is armegeddon's children. read it.)... next cool friend that my normal friends dont really know about is kait from school. i dont really have anything interesting to say about her... but she's cool. uhhh... valentines day happened. and the thursday before valentines day, my teacher commented that people either love or hate valentines day. there is no in between. well, this year, i think i found the in between. despite the fact that i am single and dont foresee that changing any time soon, i had a decent v-day. i decided i'd try to salvage it by informally asking cece to be my valentine. we had a skype date. we watched up. and it was good. much better than moping like most single people do on v-day at least. right?... what else has happened to me that no one cares about?. i procrastinated and wrote a 3 page paper the two hours before it was due. (skipping another class to do so)... i havent received the grade for it back yet. but i'm sure the grade will reflect the effort i put into it. i ought to fix the way i do my school work... whatever. right now, i'm sitting on a computer at school with nothing to do. facebook is boring as usual. twitter is calm... i dont have any lunch today. nor did i eat breakfast. so i'm hungry... shoutout to heather cuz she's probably the only person who is going to even maybe read this... okay. well. i'm done saying nothing now. i cant think of any other useless information i can cram into such a worthless blog post. 2tls

Friday, January 15, 2010

Death and Happiness

I picked a bad time to decide to be happy...

My grampa is about to die. He hasn't eaten anything in about a week. He hasnt moved a muscle in that same amount of time. He can just barely open his eyes. Every night I fall asleep, I fear I will be sharing the house with a dead man when I wake up. Sad stuff right?

Well, because I have been emotionally preparing myself for this, I've kind of hidden my emotions from myself and numbed myself to the idea of death. Yesterday, just after my mom quietly says to me, "I think Papa is going to die tonight." the phone rings. I think nothing of it until she comes back downstairs with a grim look on her face a couple minutes later. She says to me, "Your aunt Patty just jumped off of a bridge onto I-480 and killed herself."

My cousins, Max, Allie, and Dean, just lost their mother. Max, the oldest, is a junior in high school; Dean, the youngest, is in eighth grade. I feel terrible for my cousins and wish that I could take away all of their pain for myself. No one should ever have to deal with death so closely at such a young age.

Despite all of the death in my life right now (combined with discovering that the girl I liked has other interests), my outlook on life is generally optimistic. I've chosen to, for the most part, ignore the negatives which should be plaguing me. Last night, Alex and I went to Steak n' Shake and Youth in revolt. After hearing such great reviews from some friends(*cough* Heather) I was almost disappointed. Not that it was a bad movie- it was actually pretty gosh darned good- it just wasn't the escape from life I had hoped for. After the movie, we went to my house where we ate cheesecake, I taught her how to play chess, and we played guitar together. It was a good night, and a great escape from life.

My sister is coming home tonight. This is going to be a sad weekend. School starts next Tuesday. Hopefully my optimism won't wear off any time soon.